Nervous Rugby Players
Watching the big girls from other schools walk by. I can’t believe what I just saw, these girls were as big as 17 year olds. Then hearing voices from my rugby team “ wooooah are we playing them” they whispered to each other, it sounded as if they were nervous players panicking. I can feel their emotions as soon as they saw these aggressive looking players. Not wanting to be part of the team or being on the field when it’s time. Tasting my players feelings, they were as nervous as I was. But in my head I just wanted everyone to have fun. Then smelling my cheesy pizza bread that my mum have packed for my lunch. Taking a bite into my pizza bread “ Yum” I whispered, this pizza bread just made my nervous feelings go away. Even though my team was having such a bad time. I was enjoying my lunch.
Hi Taunese,
ReplyDeleteMy Favorite part of your writing was when you took that bite out of your pizza bread (that made me hungry).
Great work keep it up!
Cameo
Hi Nese
ReplyDeleteNice writing, That pizza bread sounded yum. I think you could of given a bit more detail in your story but it was still really good. Keep up the great work.
Malo Taunese, I can see that you are working hard at using all your senses to 'show' and not 'tell' your story. I think you've painted a good picture of how nervous your team must have been. Re-visit the last sentence - how can you give us more information about why it is a 'bad time'?
ReplyDeleteHi Taunese
ReplyDeleteI like you your writing about the nervous rugby players because it's interesting and it makes me feel like I am the nervous rugby player.I think you should put a little bit more detail in your story but it was really good.Keep up the great work
Hi Taunese
ReplyDeleteI like you your writing about the nervous rugby players because it's interesting and it makes me feel like I am the nervous rugby player.I think you should put a little bit more detail in your story but it was really good.Keep up the great work